True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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