you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
