Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
