Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
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Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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