Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
