Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
