mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
