sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
