i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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