The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
