found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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