GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
