I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
