Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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