WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
