his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
and you fell through a lawn chair
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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