He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
