Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
