He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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