I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
