Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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