i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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