Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
