I think my vagina is haunted
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
