fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
