oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
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We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
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All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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