The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
