Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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