going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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