im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
