she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
