My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.