so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.