I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
