Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
