Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
