smell my finger.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
