I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
