he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
