We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i will never coherently bang her
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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