There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you win again, gameday.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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