she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
