dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
