Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
