FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize