dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
