Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
