btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
