Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
