I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
