is your mom at the bar?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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