I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
