Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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