I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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