Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
