i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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