I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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