You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
