Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
