ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
