Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I skipped work to stalk him.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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