and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
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Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
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It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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