btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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